As a part-time designer, one question I am asked frequently is, “How do I find my style?” This question usually comes from frustrated homeowners who regularly consume images of well-appointed, complete spaces on social media or Pinterest but can’t figure out how to achieve that in their own homes. My hope is that these “5 Steps to Finding Your Style” will help ease that frustration.
Over time, and through a lot of observation, I’ve discovered that there are two categories of people looking to define their style:
1) Those who are content with adopting a style, such as farmhouse, and taking it all the way, from shiplap to subway tile.
2) Those who are tired of trends, lost in a sea of sameness on social media, and want to carve out a personal style in their little corner of the world.
“Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.” Rachel Zoe
I have been in both categories believe it or not. Once upon a time, my husband and I slapped some shiplap on the wall, chose subway tile for our backsplash, installed open shelving, and built a farmhouse table. We were ALL in (before everybody else was)! After realizing we didn’t live in a farmhouse, I found myself restless and wanting to change the things I could to more accurately reflect our home’s style and our family’s point of view. It took a lot of intention and time, but I finally discovered my style and was SO happy that our house looked and felt like us. From our first house that I drenched in early 2000’s décor to the house that shaped me as a designer, my experience with finding my own style has run the gamut. So wherever you are in your style journey, rest assured, I get it.
Want proof?
Before I was here…
This is still my style, but it took a lot of change to get to this point.
I was here:
I still think this is beautiful. It just wasn’t a style that reflected us long term. In other words, it was a phase.
And before that, I was here:
This was right before we installed shiplap. We changed how it looked but also how it functioned for our family.
One frustration I’ve heard and had myself is that this process of creating one look in your home only to discover it isn’t really you, then changing it so that it IS you, is a waste of time, finances, and brain power. But I’m here today, more confident in my style than I’ve ever been, to tell you that it’s NOT a waste of anything…it’s actually a necessary part of finding your style.
I’m sorry and you’re welcome.
I’m sorry:
I’m sorry that, like me, you will probably have to go through a few iterations of a space before you find the look that most accurately reflects who you are. I’m sorry that this probably means a lot of returns and/or exchanges. As you’re standing in the return line though, take comfort in the fact that those of us who have found our style paved the way ahead of you and stood many hours in lines just like the one you’re in. I’m sorry I cannot give you a formula to instantly find your style so you can go out and purchase everything you need to make your home feel cozy, welcoming, stylish, and most importantly, like YOU.
You’re welcome:
You’re welcome for the dose of reality. Unless you start young, have a designer for a parent, or are a genius in the design department, it will take years to fully discover your style, then fine tune it, and finally be confident in it. I remember meeting two seasoned designers at my first trip to market a few years ago, and they said, “Don’t buy anything. You’re here to train your eyes.” I quickly discovered market was an exercise in discernment; learning to shuffle through the myriad of stuff you can use to design a space and extract only that which delights your soul and speaks to you or serves a purpose beautifully.
THIS is what you must learn to do; discern.
It’s what we’ve ALL had to do to get to the place where we can tell others what to put in their homes in a way that is special only to them. It’s what we’ve ALL had to do to arrive at a place of confidence in our personal styles for our own homes. Instead of market though, you have Home Goods, Target, and thrift and antique stores, among other retailers to choose from. But the concept is the same, and it’s just like anything else…it requires work.
Though there is no formula for finding your style, I have condensed my years-long style journey down to five steps you can take to put you well on your way to finding your own style. If this seems like too much, I suggest looking into hiring a designer; we’re paid to do this work for you in a short amount of time.
Step 1: Take a few design quizzes.
It may sound hokey, but they’re a start and they can actually help you begin to identify what you like and don’t like. I’ve taken several style quizzes (and took about five new ones in preparation for writing this post) and I’m sharing only my favorites with you. *Make sure you check out the giveaway related to these quizzes at the end of this post.
- This quiz from Apartment Therapy asks you one visual question and is BY FAR the easiest way to get a general overview of your style. I was surprised at how spot on it was!
- I was hesitant about this Houzz quiz’s results being accurate but lo and behold, they were!
- I liked this quiz from Lonny because it described styles differently than most quizzes, which I found to be helpful.
- This is the final quiz (from Decorist) that I found to be both helpful and accurate.
I like to say there is no label for my style (I like what I like), but if I HAD to put words to it, these would be the most accurate:
Step 2: Take a tour of your house and make a list of the things that make you happy and are representative of you.
Why do this? Because the past should be a guide to the future. If you walk through your house and say, “I’m over this,” then you already have guidance on what NOT to purchase going forward. When I wanted to change the breakfast nook in our last house, I still loved the planked wall, but was so over farmhouse and wanted a more modern take on everything else in the space. On the other hand, if you tour your home and still love your style of furniture, your pillow arrangement, or anything else, let that guide you when making future purchases and style changes. Once you’ve compiled your list of things you still love and things you’re “so over,” refer back to it every time you find yourself stuck in analysis paralysis or tempted to make an impulsive purchase. Stay true to you!
Step 3: Determine what category of homeowner you are…and OWN IT!
If you just want a finished space and farmhouse is your jam (does anyone even say that anymore?), don’t be ashamed of that! This is similar to type-casting for an actor. Some actors despise being type-cast into the same role over and over, and some are thankful for being type-cast because it’s job security and they are comfortable within that particular role. Some homeowners want their home to be completely original to them and others want their home to look like it was just featured on Fixer Upper. One is not better than the other. It’s just easier when you’ve determined which type you are so you can move forward.
Does this stir your soul and make you feel like you’re home?
Design: Joanna Gaines
Or does this evoke more of a reaction from you?
Design: Ali Cayne | Photo: Brittany Ambridge
If you are the type that desires originality in your home, and you are looking to really hone in on what style reflects you, speaks to you, and would tell anybody coming into your home what your family is about, hold onto that, write yourself a note, do whatever it takes to remind yourself of that when you start to lose steam and just want to finish a space. Yours will be a longer journey, but the end result will leave you at peace with your home, and everything you place in your home will bring you joy, tell your story, and have staying power.
“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” – William Morris
Step 4: Train your eyes.
As I mentioned before, everybody who is confident in their style has trained their eyes to discern not only what they like (I like everything from super modern pieces to chippy antique furniture), but what is truly representative of who they are. Walk the aisles at Home Goods, Target, antique stores, or whatever your favorite retailer is, and use your phone to take pictures of everything that catches your eye. Do the same with Pinterest and Instagram images. Once you have collected several photos on your phone or computer, take some time to review them, paying close attention to the things that STILL bring you joy or resonate with you after you’ve separated yourself from the retail or online environment. You can do this with furniture, fabrics, and accessories, and it will prevent you from buyer’s remorse…well, it will help cut it down. I DO believe in trying things out in your home and returning them if they aren’t right though, which brings me to the final step.
Step 5: Bite the bullet or slow your roll.
If you haven’t made any progress whatsoever because you are afraid of commitment, haven’t figured out your style yet, or are consuming too many images of different styles on Instagram, the best thing you can do is BITE THE BULLET. Make a purchase, big or small, to get the ball rolling.
Conversely, if you have a space full of things you’ve purchased on impulse or boxes arriving at your house weekly because you’ve been influenced by every different style on social media, SLOW YOUR ROLL. Take some time to go through steps 1-4 until you’ve calmed down, at least narrowed down what you don’t like, and can move forward with purchases that are intentional and represent you and the way your family lives. In either case, you WILL have to make returns, spend time tweaking, and live with decisions that may change, but taking action is the only way you will ever achieve the goal of finding your style.
“The most effective way to do it is to do it.” – Amelia Earhart
I was confident in my plans for this bathroom renovation because I have done the work to find my style.
I’m a grand scheme kind of gal who needs to know why I’m doing something in order for it feel justified, especially with something as seemingly insignificant as a personal home style. After nearly 14 years of being a stay-at-home mom and 17 years as a homemaker, I can confidently tell you this is NOT insignificant. Nor is it trivial, shallow, or materialistic…all things I have associated with interior design in my past.
Home is important. Home should be valued and prioritized…with a heavy dose of perspective of course. Home is where we shelter our families, welcome guests and loved ones, and reflect the beauty of the One who created us. The only reason we should ever feel guilty about paying attention to our homes is if we’re putting our families into debt, not fulfilling our responsibilities because we’re obsessing over the look of our homes, or if our motives are wrong and we’re simply trying to keep up with the Jones’s.
Above all else, the goal of finding your style should be to create peace, beauty, function, and safety within your home.
I hope this 5-step guide to finding your style helps you achieve that goal. Do the work, give it some time, and you WILL find the style that represents you best. Perhaps my giveaway (below) will help kick start your style journey or add the finishing layer to your space.
From the Apartment Therapy quiz I got Warm Industrial. I sort of wanted to pick the more eclectic choice too, but it was a little too glam for me.
I hear ya! There were so many that I was drawn to but didn’t pick them because they were a little too something or other. I love warm industrial!
I got simple chic, coastal, and rustic romantic (didn’t take #4 because I didn’t want to leave my email address, haha). Of the choices offered, I think they were each right on! They seem different, but I can see how my style is the way that they intersect and the themes they have in common. I especially liked quizzes 1 and 2!
I love that you can see how they intersect…that’s important. Sometimes our style can’t be nailed down to one label, but at least we can be confident if we know what will bring us joy and have staying power for years to come.
The Houzz one was spot on for me which was a surprise. I recently identified myself as a Traditionalist and Minimalist and what Houzz gave me was a Transitionalist (not too modern, not too traditional). Yep. I am on instagram @jolivivant if you want to see what that translates to. I started following you because I felt like we had similar vibes. I love your work. I will subscribe to your blog as well for an extra entry.
Yes! I love being right in the middle where it’s JUUUUUUST right. Glad to have you here!
Thank you for this post! I have felt like I’ve spent too much time, money & energy on my home over the past 4 years but it’s finally feeling like I’m headed in the right direction. To hear (or read) that I’m not alone in this and more importantly, it’s work worth doing is encouraging, validating, inspiring…I could keep going. I took all four quizzes and a blend of modern chic appeared. The most accurate result, to me, came from Apartment therapy where my result was Simple Chic. Thanks again for educating, encouraging, and equipping us here.
I’m so glad you now know even designers are not immune to this process. I was just watching Chip and Joanna go back to their very first home in Waco and her style was NOT what it is today. Her style wasn’t even what it is today when the show started…she has evolved and refined so much! It’s the nature of the design world not to show you that though, so it’s my goal to be transparent in an effort to help people realize we’re all in this together and we all have to do the work.
I’m happy that you posted this! I’m having a little trouble decorating my new home. I took the quiz from Lonny.com and was surprised to learn that there is an actual name for the style of things I like. It says I’m an Understated Sophisticate!
Thank you for all the wonder tips. I will use them all in helping me find my style.
I’m so glad you find my content helpful…makes me SO happy! And yes, I loved that Lonny quiz because it described styles so differently than all of the other quizzes and all of the normal labels for styles. I love the title Understated Sophisticate!
Simple Chic! It was the one question quiz and spot on! Thanks for this helpful advice!
Wasn’t that crazy that the one-question quiz could be so accurate so quickly? That was my favorite quiz out of all of them and I just couldn’t believe how accurate it was!
I got new traditional or transitional!
Ah, so we’re the same then, right down the baby grand! 😉
Hi Marynn! I agree it takes time to find “your” style and I sometimes think why do I spend so much time. I’m finally at a place where I’m not making too many changes or returns and it’s great especially for my wallet. Still have things I want to swap but getting close to more permanence in my home. Oh I took the Houzz quiz and I’m simple chic. Just subscribed too! Thanks for this blog and giveaway. Love your work!
Thank you for your kind words Mary! I love that you are so close to permanence with your decor…it’s such a great place to be and I’m still working on getting there because even when you’ve nailed down your style, it takes awhile to collect everything to fill a home with warmth, character, and function.
New Traditional 🙂
It does take years to train your “design eye”
We have the same style! And yes, it does take years! I think so many people need to be reminded of that!
I got Contemporary Cottage!! Classic and warm for hosting family and friends! Very spot on for me :).
That sounds like a wonderful style description! I love it!
I’m surprised 😉
Transitional: You’re not too modern but not too traditional, either. You’re a gracious host, and you love to break out the fine china even when you’re just eating pizza. You prefer a home full of beige and other neutrals. You like simply framed artwork that doesn’t cause too much of a fuss. Serenity is your goal at home. You are transitional.
Transitional is a GREAT style! There is so much room for interpretation! I may be New Traditional but that description of Transitional is 100% me!
I got rustic romantic from Lonny and contemporary from Houzz
So I’m kind of baffled
But that does sound like me – I live wood, earthy natural tones, lots of white
And tulips!
And would love to win those pillows! ????
I thought the description of Rustic Romantic was really interesting…that’s what I got from the Lonny quiz too. I think it can be hard when you love a lot of styles because you click on photos or choices that you are drawn to but maybe you wouldn’t use in your current home. I try to think of my dream home if I could build it from the ground up…what elements would I use if money wasn’t an issue?
Contemporary Cottage on the first test and traditional on the Houzz ????♀️ And I’m already subscribed ❤️
Hey Diane! I got varying results on some of the quizzes as well. Thanks for being subscribed!
Boy I really needed this post today! We are in the middle of remodeling a bathroom and have loved following what you did in your girls bathroom. In fact I ordered the same wallpaper after seeing you use it. According to all of the quizzes I’m traditional but I do love some modern elements too.
Thanks Jenn
Oh my gosh, I’m so excited you’re going to use the same wallpaper that’s in my girls’ bathroom! Every time I walk by their bathroom I fall a little more in love with it! I’m the same way though…I am traditional but not traditional traditional…I have modern leanings.
The Houzz quiz was surprising to say the least & accurate, transitional.
Yes, I was surprised by some of the quizzes too! I loved the variation of all of them. Thanks for stopping by Regina!
I like the Apartment Therapy quiz, you are right, they have me pretty well pegged, a mix of B and E ,
I love neutrals but texture is really important to me too and a place for everything and everything in its place. Only thing better would be the ocean outside my window! Thanks Marynn, your advice and suggestions are always ???? you’re one of my favs for sure! ❤️
Oh my goodness Lori, thank you for the sweet compliment! Wasn’t that one-question quiz crazy? I couldn’t believe one question could be so accurate! An ocean outside your window WOULD be amazing!
I took all the quizzes because I have been really curious about my style! THis blog post was so great. Most of the quizzes told me I was modern traditional and one told me I was eclectic. ????????♀️????????♀️????????♀️ Apparently I like all the things ????
Oh girl, we are the same! I love ALLLLL the styles and could easily live in a home of every different one! I kind of like to let my house guide me because if I have the constraint of staying true to the style of the house (somewhat), then it’s easier to rein in all my love for all the things!
Neo – Traditionalist
These quizzes were fun tot take and spot on! This was a great blog post – thanks!
I’m SO glad you liked the post Elizabeth! I loved taking the quizzes too and it was fun to see the varying results and which quiz got me right!
I did AT’s quiz and would say I lean more New Traditional, although the specific items pictured aren’t my choice in color.
There were several pictures that I felt didn’t accurately represent the style it was attached to but in the end, I was surprised at how well it nailed my style.
I hope this is the right place to comment. I got new traditional, transitional and coastal and it’s spot on! At almost 57, in my 4th house, I finally feel like I know my style.
Awesome Susan! Hey, better late than never I say! I keep wondering if my style will be different when we retire and move into our retirement house in a different state. It’s interesting and fun to think about!
I got new traditional & transitional!
Awesome! Sounds like we have the same style!